Jimmy! Why do you need mirror in the garage?
What a strange question! With whom I am going to drink?
Teddy! Let's have a drink!
- Why not?
- Well... No means no!
After few drinks in the pub:
- 'You know.. my friend won a trip to China!
- Good! Good! Congratulations!
- Well, not so fast. Now he can not win the trip back home!
After few drinks...
- Why you did not ask... "How I am doing?"
- Ok! "How are you doing?"
- O boy! Don't even ask!
No one could earn all money in the world, but everybody can spend all of this money on the drinks!
Mir Rothschild, you gave on drinks a lot less then your son.
"Sure" - Rothschild reply -"He can afford such generosity, he has very rich father."
Teenager years - years when in the hot weather you have no idea what you want more: ice cream or a beer
That's all! I would never go to see Bill. I have such a headache after his comments..
- What did he told you?
- Let's drink again, let's drink again!
Considering prices on the cognac, you need to have it only in form of eye drops until you become cross-eyed
God create a woman only for one reason: to save him from alcoholism
He stops drinking, smoking and start lying.
What do you think about our president?
- Nothing, I never saw him sober
- But he is not a drinker!
- Not him, but me!
Most popular compliment during beer bust:
- This salad match your face
Bottle of vodka divided in half:
- Sign on the top: "Life water'
- sign on the bottom:" Dead water"
Dad, what does it mean a bad joke?
- Well, son it is when your mother tells that she is taking birth control pills, but later she gives birth to you!
- Mom, what does it mean a bad joke?
- When your father tells that he is a president of the company, but after your birth he admits that he meant company of alcoholics!
One alcoholic to another:
- Give me the cigarette, please
- My lighter is broken..
- What happened?
- My finger could not catch a roll..
Matt, did you close the door?
- Yes, I did. I turn the key twice and place baseball bat in the handle
- Guys, don't let Matt to drink.. We are not at home we are camping
Miss did you drink vodka?
- Is this a question or an offer?
- A question.
- Then I don't drink
- But if it is an offer?
- Then I do
If you wake up in stranger's house with a strange woman - introduce your self and ask what is her name.
If she hits you in the ear - it is your wife!
- If something good happened in your life - you drink to celebrate
- If something bad happened in your life - you drink to forget
- If nothing happened - you drink for it that it did not happened
Big group of friends, all of them drunk, one of them:
- It is my last one; tomorrow I need to wake up very early
- Tomorrow Sunday, why do you need to wake up early?
- To drink a water!
Do you drink vodka?
- No
- Then what are you doing with it?
Fried piglet with vodka "Grey Goose" - it is so good!!
- Who was an idiot who said that goose to pig not a friend?
Husband to his wife:
- Learn from fish how to be silent!
- Learn from fish how to drink only water! - Wife responds
Men's heart consists of two parts:
- one- for vodka, second - for dinner
