-
Mommy, mommy, give me my father's picture, please!
- What for?
- My teacher wants to know who is that idiot who did my homework! - People created love for only one reason - not to pay for it!
-
Mr. Johnson! Your wife is asking you to come to the phone!
- Asking? No, then it is not my wife! -
Father yelling at his son: "Why you are not listening??? Am I your father or not??? "
"How I suppose to know who you are?!" - Son replied -
"Yesterday I was taking my wife to Zoo" - one guy complains to another
"So...what happened?" - asks another
"They did not admit her!.." almost crying notes the first one. -
Wedding is like a wonderful tale!
In the beginning palaces, flowers, sweet dreams and a lot of camels.
But in the end - everything disappears and you left only with one camel. -
What is the difference between pumpkin and a man?
Well, when you returning home late at night, pumpkin always smiles, easily sparks, always waiting for you at night, and when pumpkin spoils the air you always can easily get him to the garbage. - Leaving office earlier is a bad idea, one left - now he is divorced
-
- We are married just two days, but you are already started yelling at me
- Before you, I had five husbands, that is why I know better, when I need to start yelling! -
Divorce court. Judge asks husband:
- Why you decided to divorce your wife?
Husband did not answer for very long time... Then he explains:
- She is taking it in her mouth..
- Well, you are very fortunate man!
- ... But.... She is taking it with a fork... -
Divorce court. Husband commits adultery. Before making his final decision judge orders husband:
- You have your last word
Husband:
- Divorce!
Wife:
- Objection! -
- At home my wife must be like a president
- The most important person?
- No, I want it for only one reason: every four years I must have the opportunity to choose another! - - Why you are so depressed? Your mistress left you? It's OK, you'll find even a better one!
-
- No, my wife left me...
- Don't worry, you will find another one not any worse. -
Divorce court. Judge asks husband:
- So, every day when you return home you would find a different man in the closet?
- Yes!
- Is this a reason for divorce?
- Yes! I could not hang my jacket in the closet! I could not trust this man! What if he decides to take something else? -
Two girlfriends:
- Did you have in your marriage at least one time, when your husband did not return home?
- Just once! One month after our wedding he left, but I still hope that someday he will come back. -
After wedding groom admits to his bride:
- Sorry, dear, but I still pay alimony for two kids...
- Don't worry dear, it did not effect our budget - I do receive alimony for two kids -
Husband and wife seat in the bar. Wife notice another man and whispers:
- Look, I left this guy 8 years ago and since that time he still drinks
- Come on! No one celebrates for so long! -
Two girlfriends:
- What happened to you?
- I suffer so much.. My husband has a mistress...
- Divorce him!
- Not yet! I need to drop another 10 pounds! -
Divorce court. Couple has three kids. Wife:
- I want to keep two babies!
Husband:
- I want to keep two babies!
After few hours of arguments, Judge comments:
- You need to make a decision!
Wife:
- Let's have divorce next year, when we going to have four babies! -
Wife calling her husband:
- How are you, dear?
- Good, good
- How is your work?
- Good, good!
- I am divorcing you
- Good, good! -
Bell door to intercom:
- Is it a Goldberg's apartment?
- No, but Mr. Gold lives on the first floor and Mrs. Berg on fifth...
- That's what I thought - they got divorced!!! -
- Is it true that you getting divorced?
- Yes.
- Well, then I can recommend a good attorney
- Thank you, I already find a good doctor. -
- I'm married for a second time and very unhappy in this marriage again.
- Why?
- First wife left me
- What about second?
- Second wife refused to leave... -
- What happened? Why are you so nerves lately?
- I have a bad feeling...
- Why?
- My previous wife got divorced for the third time and she got married again with her first husband... And I am her second husband!!...