Why all women intentionally reduce their age?
- Why?
- Because they always cross out years spent without love!
In the jewelry store...
- I am looking for a gift.
- Salesperson: "Are you interested in a very expansive gift or it is for your wife?"
Three men got upfront of a God...
- God asks the first one: "Did you have a mother in law?"
- Man answer: Yes, I had one"
- God: "Then you are going to haven"
- God ask second man:" Did you have a mother in law?"
- Man answer: "No"
- God: "Then you are going to hell!"
- God asks the third man: "Did you have a mother in law?"
- Man answer: "Yes! I had two!"
- God: "Then you going to hell!"
- Man: 'But why?"
- God: "Because after having two mothers in law you'll feel yourself in hell like you are in haven!!"
Mother in law asking her son in law: "How you have your tea? How many spoons of sugar you take?"
- "When I am at home- I am taking 1 tea spoon, when I am visiting- I take 3 tea spoons"- responding son in law.
- "Then feel yourself at home"
Advertisement of insurance company:
- What is a mixed emotion? - It's when your mother in law falling in your car from the cliff.
- What is a double happiness? - It's when your car and mother in law have insurance.
Mother in law is fixing a bike in front of the house. Son in law asks her through the window:
- Mom, where are you going?
- To the cemetery
- But who is going to return the bike?
I always take pictures of my mother in law on my camping trip.
- Why?
- Because when it is thunder, rain, cold, dirt, mosquitoes bites I look at her picture and think: "O, God, how nice to be here!"
Seasoned mother in law always check medicine bought by her son in law. Always tries first on her animals.
After long and hot argument son in law asks his son:
- Son, bring a lip cream for grandma, please
- Which one, father?
- That one- with a name: "Just a moment"
Family supper. Three people around the table: husband, his wife and mother in law. Wife:
- It would be a good idea to have a steak...
Mother in law:
- Yes, steak medium-rear with blood..
- Husband:
- With your blood, mother...
Add in news pepper:
- Single man would like to meet a decent nice looking woman - orphan. If you are interested, please send a copy of death certificates of your parents.
Two old friends meet on the street. One holds TV set. The other asks:
- Where are you going with TV?
- I am taking it to the garbage.
- Why?
- Because my mother in law said, if I get rid of TV, she is going to commit suicide.
Mother in law approaching her son in law:
- Dear, I have two news for you: one is bad, another is good.
- Mother, a can see that you are alive and well, so tell me a good news.
- Father, is it true that there is no witches?
Father looks at his mother in law:
- Well, when I was little I thought the same.
Grandma did you came by yourself?
- Yes, baby, yes!
- Grandma, but father said that devil brings you!
Father and son return from the funerals. Son is very sad, but father is smiling. Son asks:
- Father, why are you smiling?
- Son, you lost a grandma, but me - mother in law...
Policeman stops the car and start writing the ticket for speeding. The driver:
- Officer! It is a mistake; I could not drive too fast!
- Why not?
- Because I was on my way to my mother in law!
Doctor in the hospital:
- Unfortunately your mother in law have only one hour to live..
- It is ok, doc.. I could wait. I was patient for eight years..
First third of her, live woman gave a hard time to her father, second third to her husband and third - to her son in law. So the best woman in the world is the one who has no kids, not married and is an orphan
